Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
operation have a gay friend backfired
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
