Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
