last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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