You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You need Xanax blowdarts
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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