We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
