isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
