evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Someone came in the potted fern
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
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