You can't motorboat a personality
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
