I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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