The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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