Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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