Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
