So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
