you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You took a bar mat shot.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
