The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
