I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
