well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
