I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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