Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
