I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
