i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
