I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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