my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Sext me about skeletons
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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