Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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