ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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