I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
