Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
