Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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