dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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