I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
