I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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