i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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