i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
