last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You need a sexual gate keeper
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
