Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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