by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
