haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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