You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You're completely useless in the revolution.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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