An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
