dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
