she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
