Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
