Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
