I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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