Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
