How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
