he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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