I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is classic penis vs brain.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
