We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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