Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Umm I'm too high to move.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
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