walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
