I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
