Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
