I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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