sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
