i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
