booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
